For the past few days I've found myself remembering old hurts; bad experiences in which people have been unfair or pushy in the past, which I'd forgotten about. I must explain that I am a person who will run a mile from confrontation, and I've tended to be a bit of a doormat over the years. Not so much anymore, but for much of my life I would tend to say nothing in the face of a bad situation. I never lost my cool - but then I would go away and fret about it - and of course in the bad old days, that would include swallowing my anger along with a nice big piece of chocolate, or other sugary treat. As a journalist I was an asset because I could always work under pressure; looming deadlines were no problem. Sadly the cost of that was my health.
What I think is happening now is that my body has been storing years of pent-up anger and frustration in my cells, maybe along with my fat, and now that my diet is as clean as a whistle (nothing but the best food since the end of the juicing), it's all coming to the surface and being released, along with my stored toxins.
It's just a theory, but I can't think of any other reason why I would suddenly start to remember long-forgotten instances of injustice and stifled anger. Of course the other theory is that now I'm no longer using food to stifle my emotions, everything is going to come bursting out.
Whatever it is, I think it's a very good sign. It's time I let go of some baggage.
Yesterday I had green juice in the morning; lunch was a green salad (bigger than my head), which included sundried tomatoes, a few raw almonds, romaine, spinach, parsley, onion, sprouts, half a small avocado and a squeeze of lemon juice - all sprinkled with nutritional yeast; and for dinner I made a raw lasagne - layers of : paper-thin zucchini strips; a mix of fresh and dried tomatoes with rosemary, finely chopped together with a tiny bit of olive oil; a blend of fresh spinach and lots of fresh basil; marinated chopped portabello mushrooms, and just a little of last weeks' almond feta cheese. I pressed the layers into a square springform cake tin, finished the top with the tomato mixture and some more of the feta, and warmed it in the dehydrator for about an hour.
It looked gorgeous when I served it - I 'unsprung' the tin, and it held together like a beautiful, jewel-coloured layer cake. We enjoyed it with some of the wonderful sauerkraut which I made last week, flavoured with dill and mustard seeds. It was a wonderful comforting meal on a cool Autumn evening. I'm so glad the family are enjoying the raw goodies, too.
By the way - weight this morning is 62.5kg (137.7lb) - a teeeeny gain from the end of the feast, and I'd attribute that to the extra water in my system which is being attracted by the fiber I'm eating. So YAY!
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